We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
