# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
