Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
