last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
