You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
