3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
