Where are you?
In a non slutty way
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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