idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
