Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
