can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
