dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
