did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize