I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
