I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
