i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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