so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
