he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
