There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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