I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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