dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
