somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
