I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
