I could make wine with my vomit
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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