sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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