living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
