he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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