I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize