dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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