I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
