And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
