I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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