After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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