Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
