in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
