her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize