The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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