I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
