also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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