he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's like iHOP with fire
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
