Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
