mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
