Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
