Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
