I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize