I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
