Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
