just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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