Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
