I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
