All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
