So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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