I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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