Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
