wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
BRING THE BAGELS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
