I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
