He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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