I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
