weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
