This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize