my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
