i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
