your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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