We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
