PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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